STREETSIDE STORY OF THE MONTH

Angel's Tear
Angel Anqi Chen

This is a true story. I didn't make this up.

Twenty years ago, my mom was an active girl. When she was 14 years old, she went out and played with lots of boys. Of course, they all liked to be friends with my mom.
When my mom was 14 years old, she was a pretty girl. Her skin was white and yellow. Her eyes were brown, and her hair was long. Her voice was a little loud when she was mad. If everything was okay, her voice was sweet. She liked to dance, so she always moved gracefully. My mom also liked to play basketball when she was a kid. She liked to sew, too.

Sometimes she felt happy, but not all the time. Sometimes she felt angry. When she went out to play with boys, she would worry because she knew that, when she came back home, her father might get mad at her (because she came back home late). People always felt that my mom was friendly, but they didn't know that my mom just wanted to be alone.

Two years later, my mom met my dad when my dad was 18 years old and my mom was 16 years old. At first, they were just friends, then they began dating. Then they got married. When I was born, my mom was 19 years old. They divorced when I was three.
Now my mom and I live in San Francisco, California and my dad is living in China! I was in China until I was ten years old. When I was in China, I had many friends in our school. In China, I was an active girl also. Now I am in San Francisco, California. I have many friends in San Francisco, too!

One day I was thinking. I questioned myself, did they care about my feelings? Why did they get divorced? Didn't they care how I would feel when I grew up? So I was not happy. I only liked to play and stay outside. I didn't want to go home early. So I went to the after-school program.

One day, the weather was cold and windy. I was going to the Chinese school in Chinatown. When the bell rang, my classmates and I all went to the playground/gym to play ball. Then we went down to our class. We could smell chicken. It smelled good. I was very hungry, so I asked Ms. Szeto, "Ms. Szeto, when is the lunch coming?"

Ms. Szeto said, "Angel, are you hungry?"

I answered, "Yep, I'm very hungry."

Ms. Szeto said, "Just wait five minutes. Did you smell it? I think it's chicken. It made me feel hungry, too."

Five minutes later, the lunch came. I ate a lot of things.

One day, my mom said to me that if I were a boy, she would give me to my dad. I didn't really understand what my mom meant by that, but I do know one thing--my dad wants me because he loves me, and he doesn't care if I am a boy or a girl! So I don't know if I was happy about that or not. I love my mom, and I love my dad, too. Why would they want to give me or push me to each other if I were a girl or a boy? I don't know. If I were a boy, would my mom really give me to my dad? I don't have an answer, because I'm a girl now.

Every time I think about this, my heart hurts like something is on my heart. It bites my tears out. I don't like feeling like this, but I can't forget that they are divorced.

One day, I said to my mom, "Would you want me if I were a boy?" I could hear nothing come out of my mom's mouth... I thought she didn't hear it, so I said it one more time, but this time I yelled, "Would you want me if I were a boy?"

"What do you want to eat for dinner?" Mom asked.

I was mad. I yelled, "If I were a boy, what would you want to do?"

I was sure that, when I finished my question, I could hear a sigh from my mom's mouth. Then she just told me, "I don't know!"

I felt sad and cried. I shouted, "I'm not hungry!"

I went to my room. I cried that night on my bed.

After I cried, I felt better, but I didn't want my mom to know I was crying, because she always thinks that I am brave. I don't know what my mom thought when I went to my room.

After that, each time I tried to ask my mom about it, I couldn't even say one word. Nothing!

Maybe it was because I wasn't brave enough to know the answer. I still have a long life ahead of me, but I still want my mom and my dad to hear what I believe and what I want. I want them to love each other again. I know if that dream would come true, I would feel happy and wouldn't worry so much. But now, I feel very tired of waiting for that dream to come true. Maybe my dream will never come true. But no matter how tired I am, I still want to wait for my dream to come true forever!